BY ADEEBA FATIMA
“Denial is the lid on our emotional pressure cooker: the longer we leave it on, the more pressure we build up. Sooner or later, that pressure is bound to pop the lid, and we have an emotional crisis”. -Susan Forward
Denial is a defense mechanism we all use to block out the mental pain one is going through. It’s interesting how easily we manipulate ourselves to believe the sugar-coated version of the truth rather than the sour version of the truth. We are the masters of our own mind and it depends upon us how we cope with certain situations.
Let’s say a person comes to you with bad news. You’d try your best to block the bad news and try to sugar-coat it. But no matter how hard you try, reality catches up with you and you end up with pain in your hands. No matter how far you run, how much medication you use, how much business you drown yourself in, truth will always find its way.
There are certain things you cannot escape and death is one of them. One day or another, everyone’s time will come. Just like losing a job is bad, it’s worse when we lose a loved one. Recently, I lost a loved one.
All the people gathered for the departure, everyone crying, but for some reason, I couldn’t bring myself to cry. I was in disbelief. As my grandfather laid on his bed with some amount of oxygen left, everyone bawled but I just sat there emotionless. I was in the middle of a denial process and started to avoid the situation by over sleeping. When I wasn’t sleeping, I would be in my room, alone, reading while everyone indulged in small talk.
I knew there would come a time where I couldn’t handle the agony anymore and it would suddenly dawn upon me that I’ll lose my grandfather. Someone who is a part of daily routine; his food, his daily talks and even his medical care, won’t be there anymore. And then it hit me.
He won’t be there anymore. I cried like there was hail trapped inside of me and it’s getting all out together. I could feel the hail inside me but instead of snow, I could feel stones. Stones falling all over my organs and destroying what was left inside my body.
Everyone was gathered, talking about tales of my grandfather and his young age. I instantly knew the atmosphere was way too awkward, so small talk was their way to cope. For some time, people prefer the sugar-coated version before reality catches up with them and they have to deal with the pain.
At some point in life, we come across the process of denial in order to blur out the facts and cope with the problem in our own way. There’s a quote which says “Denial is the worst kind of lie…because it is the lie you tell yourself”. We tune out the hard-hitting facts and try to find facts of our own. But the longer we stay in denial, the harder the truth hits. Truth has its way of finding us no matter how much we ignore it.
It’s better to face reality in the first try without denial so it doesn’t hit as hard as a rock. Human nature is very interesting. We know the truth inside our mind but our heart isn’t ready to accept the cold facts. So we disregard the truth and silently cover it with a soft fact to feed the heart. The heart is so vulnerable that it accepts anything which is covered with softness even though the inside may be hard.
(Adeeba Fatima is a BBA-H student from Karachi, Pakistan. She’s a committed student and a reader who is determined to learn from every opportunity she gets)
Your writing skills are amazing!💯