By: Mansoor Qaisrani
As a student, reporter, and researcher who experienced university life from 2022 to 2025 and spent several years among young people, I often meet boys who feel confused about friendships with girls at university. They do not always understand where a friendly gesture ends and where someone begins to take unfair advantage. This article aims to raise awareness, not to attack girls or make boys fearful, but to help both sides build respectful and equal relationships.
University life in Islamabad is colorful. Students meet new people, share ideas, and join groups. For many boys, this is their first time living away from family. They want to be liked, they want to help, and they often carry strong hopes about romance. These feelings are normal, but they can also make a boy vulnerable to influence.
Mothers often warn their children that people sometimes try to get what they need from others. Sometimes this is done honestly; other times through soft pressure. Soft pressure can look like giving extra praise, asking for favors again and again, using kind words only when help is needed, or ignoring someone after the work is done.
Both girls and boys can behave this way, but in discussions with male students, I often hear stories where a girl’s warmth becomes a tool to gain academic notes, transport, money for snacks, or personal favors.
Some common examples include borrowing lecture notes or assignments repeatedly, asking for daily pick and drop services, requesting mobile balance or small cash help on a regular basis, seeking help in research projects or presentations, asking for emotional support during stress, and using a boy’s contacts to attend social events. Each of these things can be fine inside a genuine friendship, but they become unhealthy when the kindness is one-sided and the boy feels used.
My friend Emaan Asim once asked, “Why do boys fall for it?” The best answer may be that boys in their late teens or early twenties often wish to feel important, hope for a future relationship, lack confidence in saying no, believe that helping will earn respect, or fear hurting someone’s feelings. These emotions create weakness when boundaries are unclear.
Here are a few real statements from counseling sessions, with names changed for privacy:
Ziyad said, “She only called me when she needed help with assignments. After exams, I never heard from her.”
Naseer shared, “I drove her every day for six months. When I asked if we could spend time as friends, she said I was like a brother.”
Azam said, “I paid for lunch many times because I felt shy to refuse.”
Umer said, “She told me I was special, but later I found she said the same to other boys.”
Ahmed said, “I stayed up late doing her research work. She thanked me and blocked my number later.”
Saad said, “I thought we were close. She would cry about her problems but never asked about mine.”
Zeeshan said, “I gave her my notes before every quiz. She stopped talking after the semester ended.”
Nadir said, “I felt proud when she chose me for help. Later I realized she only needed my contacts and blocked me after her work was done.”
These stories show sadness but also an important lesson about personal boundaries. Boys should keep a balance between giving and receiving, ask themselves if the friendship benefits both sides, learn polite ways to say no, and not confuse every act of kindness with hope of romance. Good friendships require honesty and respect from both sides.
Parents and teachers also play a key role. Universities can organize workshops on communication and respectful behavior. Parents should talk to their sons about confidence and emotional limits, not just grades.
Campus life in Islamabad can be a beautiful start to adulthood. Friendships with girls are part of learning and growth. But boys need awareness about emotional pressure so they do not lose focus or self-respect. Girls also benefit when friendships remain fair and clear. Respect, honesty, and balance protect everyone.
This article is written for educational purposes. Understanding manipulation in a psychological sense helps both men and women build better relationships and a safer university culture.
About the Author:
Mansoor Ahmed Qaisrani is a scholar and researcher of international relations who has been affiliated with the Institute of Regional Studies, the South Asian Strategic Stability Institute, and PTV News. He writes on foreign policy, economics, defense, sociology, and the judiciary.
Reach him at: mqaisrani634@gmail.com
